Speaking From the Heart: Becoming Your Own Safe Space: How to Comfort Yourself During Hard Times.
Learning how to comfort yourself during hard times is one of the most important emotional skills you can develop—especially if you’ve experienced trauma, chronic stress, or emotional neglect. When external support feels unavailable or inconsistent, becoming your own safe space allows you to regulate your emotions, build self-trust, and feel grounded during life’s most difficult moments.
At Hearts to Healing Therapy, we believe healing begins when safety is created from within—not through perfection, but through compassion.
What Does It Mean to Become Your Own Safe Space?
Becoming your own safe space means learning how to emotionally support yourself when life feels overwhelming. It’s the ability to respond to your inner experiences with care rather than judgment.
This includes:
Practicing self-soothing techniques
Developing emotional self-regulation
Speaking to yourself with compassion
Allowing your feelings without shame
For many adults with childhood trauma or PTSD, safety was unpredictable growing up. As a result, the nervous system learned survival rather than comfort. Healing involves gently teaching your body and mind that safety is possible now.
Why Comforting Yourself Can Feel So Difficult
If you were never shown how to self-soothe, comforting yourself may feel unnatural or even uncomfortable. Many people learned to minimize their emotions in order to survive.
Common thoughts include:
“I should be stronger than this.”
“My feelings don’t matter.”
“I don’t deserve rest or comfort.”
These beliefs are not facts—they are trauma responses. With awareness and practice, they can be replaced with healthier coping skills.
How to Comfort Yourself During Hard Times
1. Regulate Your Nervous System Through the Body
Before emotional healing can occur, your nervous system needs to feel safe.
Try:
Deep breathing with longer exhales
Placing a hand on your chest or stomach
Using a weighted blanket or warm tea
These grounding techniques help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, signaling safety and calm.
2. Practice Self-Compassionate Self-Talk
Your inner dialogue matters. When you speak to yourself with kindness, your brain learns safety.
Replace self-criticism with:
“This is hard, and I’m allowed to feel this way.”
“I’m doing the best I can right now.”
“I don’t need to fix everything today.”
Self-compassion is not weakness—it’s a core component of emotional resilience.
3. Validate Your Emotions Instead of Minimizing Them
Emotional validation is essential for healing. When feelings are dismissed, they intensify.
Try:
Naming your emotion
Allowing it without judgment
Letting it pass at its own pace
You don’t need to compare your pain or justify it. Your feelings are valid.
4. Create Daily Safety Rituals
Consistency builds emotional safety over time.
Helpful rituals include:
Journaling for emotional processing
Prayer or scripture meditation
Listening to calming music
Establishing a bedtime grounding routine
These practices help your nervous system learn that comfort is available.
5. Allow Support Without Guilt
Being your own safe space does not mean doing life alone. It means recognizing when you need support and allowing yourself to receive it—from trusted loved ones, faith, or therapy.
Connection is a powerful part of the healing process.
You Are Not Broken—You Are Healing
Learning how to comfort yourself is a skill, not a personality trait. If no one modeled emotional safety for you, it makes sense that this feels new.
Each moment of self-compassion rewires the brain toward safety, trust, and healing. Over time, you become someone you can rely on—even during the hardest seasons.
When to Seek Professional Support
If emotional distress feels overwhelming or persistent, working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you develop healthier coping skills and deeper emotional safety.
At Hearts to Healing Therapy, we specialize in:
Trauma and PTSD
Anxiety and depression
Grief and life transitions
Childhood emotional wounds
You don’t have to heal alone.
